Monday, March 24, 2014

Anxiety Again

Another Sunday night spent desperately trying to go to sleep and, once there, stay asleep.  This is followed by an anxious and shaky Monday morning, in which I manage to get my eyeliner on after twenty minutes, while feeling panicky.  Once the decision to stay home is made, I begin to feel the panic drain away, and by the time I call in PTO hours, I feel nearly 100% better.  There's still some residual anxiety, mainly in the form of upper back muscle spasms that wrap around my chest as well, but at least I'm no longer in tears and near to an anxiety attack.  
By 5:30 a.m., my back goes into sharp spasms.  I hastily eat a few saltines and take a muscle relaxer.  I sleep till about 10:00 a.m.  By noon, I'm hurting again, another pill, and rest on the couch.  In between, I've managed to get some laundry washed and folded and, when resting, some crochet.  
By this time, I feel foolish for my anxiety, but at the time, I was feeling sick and panicky.  Mondays are hard for me, some worse than others.  Sometimes, it's difficult for me to even leave to go to a friends house, or the grocery store.  
I don't want to takes meds.  Been there, hated it.  I cared about NOTHING.  they made me feel dead inside, spacey, disconnected.   
Nothing for it but to soldier on.  
Apparently, this hermit-like behavior runs in the family.  I'll be like my mother and her twin, refusing to leave my house when I'm older.  Sigh.  

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