There's a lot to be said for reconnections. Friends, lovers, family...self. And that, dear ones, is what happened to me, only recently.
I have struggled to write for the last 20+ years. I have made fits and starts, all winding down the same dead-end road more often sooner than later. There has been a definite lack of encouragement and positivity from others and a definite lack of focus from me. Like wandering lost in the dark. Waiting for the light, not knowing I was waiting nor what I was waiting for. Until recently.
A death in the family reconnected several members of our family that have been apart for a very long time. After funeral, several of us gathered in the departed's name to support one another, toast his memory, and to reconnect. There was much laughter, sharing of life stories, catching up, music and singing. At the end of the evening, those who remained were few, but they were the old souls, that being the very reason they were still there. From one old soul to another, sensing something in me, I was questioned and encouraged. He knew the questions to ask, the words to encourage, and conveyed them in a way beyond words with his eyes and his energy and his total sincerity. It was a fire lit inside me, one that had been but weakly glowing embers for years.
Over the past few weeks, my soul has spoken louder. Bit by bit, brick by brick, link by link, the dam is crumbling, the chains on my mind are breaking, and the waters of creation come rushing in to fill the void that I hadn't realized was there. My soul whispers a word, a phrase, a sentence--and the words pour forth onto the paper, and I feel light, complex, thoughtful, free.
I owe a great debt of gratitude to him. I didn't know how much I have missed nor needed my writing until it came back to me. It is an indescribable feeling, this reborn creativity, something akin to magic. Whenever I feel doubt, or falter, I think of the things he said to me, about my writing again, about myself, and I take heart, I take courage, I take focus and I take up my pen and write, and I walk with the confidence that he saw in me and that I now feel because a very valuable part of me, that was lost has come home to me on the wings of his words.
I hear him say "This, this, this" and I am inspired, because it is this, this, this...
Write on, Kindred Soul, write on...